Current Essays

Ne'er Cast a Pod, You May Be Odd On:2006-07-21 05:04:13

For today's dedicated technopoodle the great curse of Life (and the Universe and perhaps even of Everything) is that, almost inevitably, today's "Oh! Wow!" is tomorrow's ho-hum. And that that time-scale is pretty-well not metaphorical!
In its most general extent it's all the fault of that damn Moore and his Loore, I mean Law---though of course it's not really a real law like the Law of Gravity that has underpinnings and maths and stuff, it's more of an observed phenomenon that has sort of held good for the last foorety or moore years.
More's Lore states that computer chip density doubles every eighteen or so months1 . And all the dreadful just-in-time obsolescence we suffer naturally follows from it---Not to mention that even worse just-before-it's-time-and-as-soon-as-you've-given-the-sales-guy-your-bloody-credit-card obsolescence.

Take that most iconic characteristic of technopoodlescence the glorious and sainted iPod (not to mention, as we won't, all those other mpeg players out there struggling for third place or possibly fourth place).

The iPod and all the other (though unmemorable and unmentionable) mpeg players are developing so rapidly now, that we are hurtling towards that magic limit when their capacity for music is greater than your life-span: and that's even taking into account their holding of full-motion HD music videos, as well as the mere music that accompanies them, not to mention all the other stuff they will inevitably come up with to over-stuff them with.

So it falls out that all those millions of not-quite-so new, not-quite-so capacious iPods are rapidly becoming old cast-off iPods; are becoming, indeed such worthless iPods that you won't even be able to repurpose them as extra storage for your computer, the contents of which are also expanding at a rate that shames even the most extravagant inflationary adjustments to the Big Bang theory.

Sadly there will be nothing left for the poor doomed iPods but the ... [sob] .... the LAND FILL!
But, my Bretheren I offer hope! Yes HOPE!! Hope for a future. Hope of a way to avoid that vast and ungovernable pile of iPods threatening to engulf the world!
You see, when the disposal problem peak arrives, that is going to be the moment when I make my fortune---no-no forget that ... I-I mean when I save the world from a horrible fate, while maintaining a reasonable life-style--- by ...
By ...
By introducing the sport of Podcasting!
Yes! Keep an eye out for that word. Podcasting will soon be on everyone's lips. And soon everyone who wants to be anyone will be seeing just how far they can throw their old 'Pods.
And, inevitably, then will come the professional sport (and that's where my fortune comes in as the first Commissioner for MLP (Major League Podcasting). Oh! The inflated salary! Oh! The kickbacks!! It'll be just like Italian Soccer !
And then as the sport develops and its stars become more and more pampered and rich; can't you just see all those exciting records for the furthest throw being made and broken by gold-medalist podcasters who then even more excitingly become ex-gold-medal 'casters as they tearfully admit on Jerry Springer their heavy steroid (or, even worse, their heavy metal) use? All the profit-making---I mean headline-making ... OK I admit they are the same thing---scandals; all the wild parties and the wild wives and wilder girlfriends of those pampered and spoilt professional 'casters pruriently driving us onward to fame and fortune and de'il tak' the hindmost.

Of course as a correction to all this excitement and to my dreams of success, remember that the inevitable decline in size of Pods blindly following Moore's lure will eventually render the tiny things un-throwable or, more importantly not noticeably throwable or most importantly not televisably throwable.

Cheerio for now
from Richard Howland-Bolton.


1 "every eighteen or so months...": Or perhaps every two years---follow the link to see why.

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