Here is a collection of notes to various really, really obscure references and puns and other stuff in the essays that, if either of us had a life, I wouldn't be writing and you wouldn't be reading.
The Monk Arnulphus uncorked his ink
That shone with a blood-red light
Just now as the sun began to sink;
His vellum was pumiced a silvery white;
"The Basileus"— for so he began—
"Is a royal sagacious Mars of a man,
Than the very lion bolder;
He has married the stately widow of Thrace—"
"Hush!" cried a voice at his shoulder.
His palette gleamed with a burnished green,
Bright as a dragon-fly's skin:
His gold-leaf shone like the robe of a queen,
His azure glowed as a cloud worn thin,
Deep as the blue of the king-whale's lair:
"The Porphyrogenita Zoë the fair
Is about to wed with a Prince much older,
Of an unpropitious mien and look—"
"Hush!" cried a voice at his shoulder.
The red flowers trellised the parchment page,
The birds leaped up on the spray,
The yellow fruit swayed and drooped and swung,
It was Autumn mixed up with May.
(O, but his cheek was shrivelled and shrunk!)
"The child of the Basileus," wrote the Monk,
"Is golden-haired—tender the Queen's arms fold her.
Her step-mother Zoë doth love her so—"
"Hush!" cried a voice at his shoulder.
The Kings and Martyrs and Saints and Priests
All gathered to guard the text:
There was Daniel snug in the lions' den
Singing no whit perplexed—;
Brazen Samson with spear and helm—;
"The Queen," wrote the Monk,"rules firm this realm,
For the King gets older and older.
The Norseman Thorkill is brave and fair—"
"Hush!" cried a voice at his shoulder.
8 Did you know that spandex was coined as an anagram of the word 'expands'? Did you even care?
9 A not terribly veiled reference to the myth of lemming suicide perpetrated by Disney in a 1950's "documentary" and entirely staged, including the poor things being "thrown off a cliff by the Disney filmmakers"! [Grr!!]
10 Probably wouldn't work to say ampersand Ampersand Brewery. Sad.
1 Have a go! A memory from my youth, a BBC Radio (sort of) quiz show that ran from 1946 to 1967 (I missed the first year, not having been born). Hosted by Wilfred Pickles (a comic with a strong Northern accent) it featured catchphrases such as "How do, how are yer?", "Are yer courting?" and "Give him the money, Mabel"
4 Started working? I know I'm retired, but I still do much the same stuff as I did. This time purely for fun, or maybe not as you'll see as you read further.
5Sinisterity: Left-handed people coin words, so there! *
6 Self-respecting nerd? Now THERE'S an oxymoron if ever I saw one
7 Ahh! First loves!---And no, I’m not waxing sentimental about Mandy Erlenbach, or that girl that time in Barcelona near the Sagrada Familia, nor Bettina Wirtz on student exchange from Hannover or was it Hamburg: no ... no ... you see the other day I saw an article on a news site about some teenager or other who was arrested for making explosives; and it immediately reminded me of my first love...
Chemistry!
Indeed my main claim to fame at school, centred on making things that went, if not bump in the night, then bang at preferably the most unexpected of times.
Now-a-days no doubt I would be arrested as a potential terrorist or worse, but even back in those less paranoid times, of course, things still came to a head---quite literally, and indeed to mine! When working on some solid rocket fuel and wearing a safety mask like a wimp I raised the grubby thing for a moment for a clearer view of my work at the exact moment that the mix chose to demonstrate how unstable both it and my fate could be. I ended up in a lot of pain and hospital, with eyes like frosted glass and a face like a jack-o-lantern long after halloween.
Finally: I suppose if they HAD been a bit more strict in those days both my eyes would now work as Nature and the makers of Jaws-3D (not to mention those horrible red and green lensed glasses) intended, but what can you do... See my: Busts or Booms.
8 This should really be done in a very bad cowboy accent "Muh seen' eye an' muh
not-frightnin'-little-chillen-or-gettin'-muhstaken-for-Polyphemus-an'-gettin'-a-poke-in-the-with-a-burnt-stick eye" but I couldn't do it convincingly.
3 And of course it's even worse than I told you (in fact worse than I knew, not that I'd admitt that). The highlighted areas in this table tell the sad story,
