Current Essays

Me at the Mike

Here is a repository of the texts of my wireless essays together with some readings of them.

The essays were broadcast by WXXI 91.5 Classical of Rochester, NY on Salmagundy each Saturday at 9:35am Eastern Time, from the beginning of time (1985) till May 2009 when Entropa (evil Goddess of Change-for-the-Worse-or-Possibly-the-Worst) troubled the minds of the WXXIites and they retired Simon and Salmagundy, and Rochester went into a terminal decline---for ever.
But I do continue on that brilliant bastion of all that's good and kultured, on WCLV's syndicated Weekend Radio on many (mainly NPRish) stations traditionally on the first and third weekends of the month, though your weekendage may vary, (these are archived for a couple of months).

Richard Howland-Bolton

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General: Ærial Evil On:2021-09-12 13:36:00
I fear this essay is going to completely destroy the caring, sensitive, nature-loving, liberal cred that (with a few exceptions) I have carefully developed and nurtured over the decades, but... but... I have just got to admit that I absolutely hate, despise, loathe, would happily chop up into little tiny bits and then make up rude songs about so-called ...seagulls. Oh! I suppose I have to admit that they may look sort of graceful as they fly, but that is only until they open their beaks or their bottoms and all Hell breaks loose, then they almost make pigeons or vultures look cute and loveable.

General: This Too Shall..... On:2020-10-23 13:00:00

is the closest I come to a motto, slogan, catchphrase or what-have-you, and I even have the teeshirt to prove it.

General: Free! Free!! Free!!! On:2020-10-13 14:15:56
Once upon a time, long ago and quite possibly in a galaxy far, far away, products were advertised by what they contained: for example I remember an advert from the aforesaid time and place with the tag line "full of nourishing marrowbone jelly" (I believe this was for some sort of dog food, but if it wasn't then "Ewww-ww-w!")1
Even if this superfluity was of intangible things, like the Turkish Delight candy "Full of Eastern promise"2, or even allusively as when "just a little dab'll do ya"3 has the certain implicature that that dab is just chock full of nourishing promise, or even if it's just the boring old sex-appeal that it filled the potential user with—it was the contents or additives that seemed to add contentment to the customer.

General: Apocovidalypse Knees On:2020-06-04 11:15:45
Thank you for asking, but actually I've been doing quite well during the Apocovidalypse---at least as far as health is concerned. I've been out in the traditional shorts, singlet and face mask every morning, walking four or five miles at a brisk Roman Legionary Pace above 4 milia passuum an hour, and it's having an effect. I'm losing weight and I'm feeling fit but, but... well I'm not sure if this is appropriate for a family programme such as this, but...but wearing shorts and walking I've...I've ... ... started to pay attention to my knees!
And I have realised that I have Old Guy Knees.

General: The Dog Business On:2017-03-05 10:00:00
In the last few months my life has changed suddenly, dramatically and out of all reckoning.
General: Correct not Right On:2013-06-16 16:00:00
I was in Half-Price Books the other day... (Oh! and I suppose should explain that Half-Price Books is an excellent chain of secondhand book shops which, if you think about it, is not what you'd expect to find in Texas)... anyway... I was in Half-Price Books the other day, and when I was checking out, the chap behind the counter complimented me on signing my name with the correct hand rather than the right one.

General: Why Do Coincidences All Happen at the Same Time? On:0000-00-00 00:00:00
We have a saying in England, in situations when, for instance, some chap is failing miserably to awaken the interest of a young lady "Huh! Chance'd be a fine thing." and chance may well be a fine thing, but coincidence is a pain sometimes, and it's funny how it takes over and everything seems to happen all at once. Often disastrously.
General: Gee! Polite System!! On:2012-02-09 00:00:00
The famous science fiction author, inventor and futurist Arthur C, Clarke famously wrote that “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic”. I know how he meant it, but with all due respect to his undoubted brilliance, I think he totally missed the real, and really sad, point of this famous third law.

General: Impending On:2012-04-21 00:00:00
When I get older, losing my hair,
Several days from now.
Will you still be sending me a Valentine;
Birthday greeting; bottle of wine
When I’ve been out till a quarter to nine!!
Would you lock the door,
Will you still need me, will you still feed me? ...


General: Thinking of You'ns Sassoons On:2010-08-12 00:00:00
Thinking of YouThe other day Georgia: you know Georgia, girlfriend Georgia, or rather (for reasons that will perhaps become apparent in a moment) what we should call Georgia-on-my-mind Georgia. Yes that Georgia! Anyway, Georgia recycled a little sticky labeley bit from a sort-of-customisable-ish popup greeting card thing, after we sent the rest of it off to a relative of mine who apparently broke her arm at the seaside while wrestling with rocks, or dolphins or, for all I know, with the vast and ungovernable Sea itself and so was feeling poorly. Georgia recycled it by sticking it on the mirror in my bathroom (the sticky bit of the card, not the vast and ungovernable Sea itself).
The label says ‘Thinking of you”.


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